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Mail. Online - Tracey Cox's Pillow Talk. Women spend their lives asking “Do I look fat?”, men spend it asking “Do I look too small?”Most men are super sensitive about their penis size because most men are secretly convinced they’re inadequate. This is because they compare their penises to men in porn who are chosen specifically for their big willies (and for being able to sustain an erection and ejaculate on cue). The other times they see other penises is when they’re at the urinal, trying not to look down at other men. Most penises look big from this angle. He’s also not stupid: he’s heard all the jokes about small and big penises and he knows if his is either under size or over size, all your friends will know about it.

Given his vulnerability and the dire complications if you get it wrong, how do you answer if your man asks you if you honestly think it’s too small or too skinny? Here’s everything you need to know…He already knows how big he is.

The first thing you need to know is this: he already knows the answer to the ‘How big am I?’ question. Most men have done their own research and measured themselves.(Is there a man alive who hasn’t measured his penis? I doubt it!)So if he’s much bigger, smaller, thicker or skinnier than the norm, assume he knows exactly where he stands on the scale. If he really is undersize, saying “That’s enormous!” when faced with something that’s more straw than sausage is silly and demeaning. He’ll just think you’re being sarcastic and will feel even worse.

What he’s looking for is reassurance that you’re OK with it, not affirmation of his worst fears. Brutal honesty doesn’t work. I do not believe total honesty is in the best interest of any relationship. I view people who pride themselves on ‘telling it like it is’ suspiciously – very often, it’s an excuse to be tactless and spiteful. If you’re in a relationship with someone, you should be their personal cheer squad. This means bigging him up – literally - on all counts. Reverse the situation: if you ask him if he thinks you’re fat, what would you like him to say back?“Now you mention it, you have put on weight.

Especially on your stomach and thighs.”Or “Of course you don’t look fat. You always look amazing!”Similarly, no sane person is ever going to answer ‘Are my boobs big enough?” with “Truthfully? No. My ideal size is 3.

DD but your 3. 2 B cup is OK. I guess.”The correct answer is ‘Is my penis too small?’ is never ‘Yes.”Agree and not only will his penis never come out to play with you again, it quite possibly might never ever raise its head again. It’s polite and kind to fib. But it needs to be believable. Watch The Secret Scripture 4Shared. Saying his penis is as thick as your arm when it’s more like a pencil is ridiculous.

Far better to say, “Do you know what? I really like your penis.

It feels fantastic inside me and penises that are too big hurt.”Get the wording completely right. If you asked him if you were pretty, how would you feel if he said “You’re pretty enough for me”. Saying “It’s big enough for me” when he asks how you feel about his penis may get a similar reaction. It’s imperative to get the answer word perfect – and delivery is also important. Look him straight in the eye if he asks the question and speak with confidence and feeling. Practice in front of the mirror (though for God’s sake, don’t get caught rehearsing!)Do you look and sound sincere and reassuring? If he’s way, way undersize or really thin: If it’s that obvious and he comes right out and asks if he’s too small or too thin, it’s pointless pretending you don’t know what he’s on about.

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If you haven’t had much experience sexually, you could try saying “I really wouldn’t know. I haven’t got much to compare it to.”Or try to fob it off with a vague “I honestly don’t know if it’s big or small and don’t really care – all I know is it feels good.”If not, be logical. Tell him you’re really not concerned with his size: how he treats you as a lover is far more important. Make it clear his penis is attached to him: he’s a package not just a penis! If he genuinely believes you don’t think it’s a big deal, you can both get on with having some seriously good sex.(Far worse than any sized penis is a man who can’t get past his size.

Some men find they can increase the size of their penis by using a penis pump (they work to oxygenate the chambers and lead to healthier erections) but there’s really little he can do to change reality.)You could also trot out the “Its not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean”/”It’s not what you’ve got, it’s how you use it” line. Add “And you’re a brilliant lover” on the end and you might never have to have that conversation again. If he’s just shy of average: There is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by admitting he’s slightly under average.(And seriously, who cares?)This one’s easy to handle: if he’s slightly under average in length, you talk about how the girth of the penis is far more important. You won’t be lying: thicker penises have more contact with the vaginal wall where the nerve endings are. If he’s long enough but skinnier than usual, talk about how most of the nerves are in the first inch or so of the vagina so length really makes no difference.

That’s also true. I hasten to add, these are great reassurances for later – and only if he asks for it. For the first few times, your only job is to make sure he knows you love his favourite part as much as he does. Great ways to show it? Be as fascinated by his penis as he is, giving it lots of attention. Grab him by the penis and lead him into the bedroom: it’s sexy and he thinks it must be big if she (or he, if you’re gay) can do that.

Put a pillow beneath your bottom to make things tighter during intercourse and let him know you find it hard to penetrate purely through penetration (only 2. Tell him what he does with his tongue is way more important to you – and he’s the best at oral sex you’ve ever had. He’s too big? This is a totally different ball game (sorry, couldn’t resist). Telling a man his penis is way bigger than usual is going to inflate his ego (and his member!) rather than deflate it. Telling him it’s so big you don’t want sex with him is quite another thing.“I’m starting to feel like a freak,” one man tweeted to me, desperate for advice on what to do.“One girl literally went white when she saw it.

She looked both repulsed and terrified.”If he’s a man with a bigger than usual penis, he needs to be extremely skilled in foreplay to make penetration comfortable (and in extreme cases) possible.